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Quiz: Should you get your situationship a birthday gift?
For those who are more than friends but not ‘official’
Words by Alexandra Holyk
Visuals by Berry Shi
In a labeled relationship, getting a gift for your partner on special holidays, anniversaries and birthdays is expected; it comes with being “official.” Nowadays—when people are afraid of commitment—they may find themselves in a “situationship,” which has the intimacy of a normal relationship, without the labels and expectations. This can be confusing, especially when it comes to marking important milestones together.
If you find yourself in a situationship this year, take this quiz to see if you should get your kind-of-special someone a birthday gift:
1. What platform do you use the most to communicate with each other?
  1. Texting
  2. Snapchat
  3. Instagram direct messages (DMs)
  4. BeReal RealMojis
2. How often do you guys talk?
  1. Several times throughout the day
  2. Friday to Sunday between 11 p.m. and 4 a.m.
  3. Once or twice a week
  4. Does it count if they only react to my BeReals?
3. Do they ever message you first?
  1. Yes, they even double text
  2. Sometimes
  3. Once and then never again
  4. They react to my BeReals before I react to theirs
4. When you’re together, what do you do?
  1. We go out on dates that we plan together
  2. Just straight-up cum and go
  3. We watch movies indoors and never go out in public together
  4. Talk about the weather
5. Do you think you can do better?
  1. I mean, probably, yeah
  2. I should say yes but it’s gonna be a no from me
  3. Absolutely
  4. No. The bar is so low I can’t even see it
6. Do your friends think you can do better?
  1. My friends like them!!!
  2. Their friends think I can do better
  3. My friends don’t even know I’m talking to them
  4. Yes. A thousand times yes
Results
Mostly As:
Go for it if you’re content with doing everything a couple would normally do in a relationship without the label. And if this leads to you having to explain to your grandmother at a family dinner that you don’t have a significant other but are rather in a “situationship”— no grandma, it’s not a disease —so be it.
Mostly Bs:
Definitely not. This person is a walking red flag and you should block them immediately. Why would you even consider gracing this individual with anything more than your mere presence? You shouldn't be giving them the time of day, much less a gift. You need to re-evaluate your situationship and perhaps the life decisions that brought you to a point where you are even considering getting them a present.
Mostly Cs:
The only reason you should be giving them a gift is if they give you one first. If they like to keep their interactions with you lowkey, consider getting them a bouquet of flowers and see what lasts longer—the flowers or your situationship.
Mostly Ds:
Give them the gift of moving to another platform and actually having a meaningful conversation. If you’re counting BeReal reactions as a situationship, you’re simply too far gone.
Disclaimer: This article is satire. The Eyeopener does not endorse you getting your situationship a gift under any circumstances.